I live with my ex-husband, and without my permission, he changed our porch light to green

Without missing a beat, he responded, “It’s for Halloween.”

Now, this was late March. Halloween was a good six months away. And to be honest, we had no plans to decorate for it this early. I was flabbergasted.

“But Halloween isn’t until fall, and we usually keep the porch light white. You didn’t even ask me!” I said, feeling my irritation build. “You just changed it without asking!”

He shrugged, a little nonchalant about the whole thing. “I thought it looked cool. Plus, it’s a thing now, people are using colored lights for fun.”

At that point, I could feel my frustration bubbling over. It wasn’t the green light that upset me—it was the fact that he had made the decision without consulting me. After all, we still lived together, and we both had a say in how our shared space was maintained. That included something as simple as the porch light.

### The Deeper Issue: Control and Boundaries

As we talked about it, it became clear that it wasn’t just about the light. It was about respect and boundaries. It was a reminder that living with my ex-husband wasn’t always going to be easy. Even though we were divorced, our history together meant that we still had a long way to go in terms of coexisting peacefully and respectfully.

I had to remind him that this wasn’t just his home. We had shared it, and I had a right to be consulted about any changes to the space, no matter how small. And he, in turn, had to respect my feelings.

After a few more minutes of back-and-forth, he agreed to change the porch light back to its original color. It wasn’t the biggest argument we’d had, but it was certainly one that highlighted the delicate balance of cohabiting with an ex. The green light wasn’t just a quirky choice—it was a symbol of the unspoken tensions that sometimes arose between us, even as we tried to get along.

### The Takeaway: Respect, Communication, and Compromise

Living with an ex is challenging, no matter the circumstances. It’s easy to forget that some decisions should be made together, even after the relationship has ended. The green porch light, although a small matter in the grand scheme of things, served as a reminder that clear communication and mutual respect are key to making any shared living situation work.

Ultimately, we were able to laugh about the green light incident—after all, it was just a porch light. But it became a teachable moment about boundaries, respect, and compromise. Whether it’s something as minor as a lightbulb color or a larger decision, it’s important to remember that living with someone, ex or not, requires a level of cooperation that can’t be ignored.

As for the green porch light? Well, I suppose it will remain a strange but memorable part of our unconventional living situation—one of the many little things we’ve learned to navigate together.